Ever since the diagnosis of the complete placenta previa, I have been feeling a little out of sorts. I am not quite sure how to explain it but will give it a try.
The rational part of me knows that there is nothing that I could have done to control where Baby A's placenta attached to my uterus. The emotional and pregnant side, on the other hand, somehow feels to blame for the uncessary bump and the stress that has caused, for everyone involved. No one is making me feel that way, quite the opposite, it is just how I am feeling. I hate that after 5 years of heartache that "N & J" are not able to sit back and fully enjoy the ride without any bumps. I mean really.....have they not paid there dues already.
I also find myself in disbelief regarding what I saw in "real time" and what someone who is intrepretting a still image is saying. I can't seem to wrap my head around the difference in opinion. I cannot wait until we are able to see the High Risk OB and get an accurate intrepretation in "real time" as to what is truly going on.
I am thankful that in the grand scheme of things that we are faced with a very, very managable "bump" in the road, and not a situation that is more serious.
I have decided that I will divide the remainder of the pregnancy into smaller goals....making each of them seem more attainable. The first of which is reaching the 24 week mark a.k.a VIABILITY!!!! Only 22 sleeps to go!!!
FET #2: weekly blood work results 7w6d
40 minutes ago
Aw - I'm sorry that you have been feeling a little off. I totally think that it's understandable given the situation. But I do know that your IM is made of tough stuff. Speaking from personal experience, stress, worry and being an IM all go hand in hand. Each day brings you all closer and I like the little milestones throughout. It will make time go much faster.
ReplyDeleteHang in.
I think it is only normal and natural for a surrogate to feel somewhat responsible! I mean we worry from the moment the transfer happens, we over analyze every single pregnancy related symptom! I am happy to see that you are surrounded by a a great support system!
ReplyDeleteBreaking the pregnancy down into mini goals is a great way to go about it and not get overwhelmed!
I wish you the best! You are AMAZING! Dont forget that!!
Here from LFCA.
ReplyDeleteI delivered my daughter in Dec at 37 weeks after having been diagnosed with a complete previa at 20 weeks. I know my situation is different from yours in that I only carried a singleton, but I just thought I'd let you know that it didn't actually cause any issues for me. It never moved and I had a planned c-section. The placenta went right over the cervix and up the front wall of my uterus meaning that the OB had to cut through the placenta to get baby out.
I didn't have any bleeding during the pregnancy.
Just wanted to let you know that a complete previa, although serious, doesn't necessarily lead to complications.
AS you already know, you are so so not responsible at all for where she put her placenta! She's new at this whole thing so it's growing a little low, but as you know NOT your fault (and think of it this way - if it was not for you - she would not be here at all! And we would still be in that searching place). But, I get where you are comming from, part of the natural worry I suppose! Plus I agree what we all saw and what the radiologist saw are SO SO very different!
ReplyDeleteHopefully we will get another scan soon and have another look at her placenta.
Like Sarah says, don't worry about us! We will be fine, the babies will be fine, like I keep saying they are safe with you, I know it, so no worrying over here (most of the time).
Just concentrate on taking care of you :).
I know that this isn't exactly as planned, but no one is to blame! You are doing a wonderful, wonderful thing for N&J and they are so very grateful. And you are already half way there! This is also a very manageable matter - and think about the most important thing - you are carrying twins for N&J and helping their dream come true!!
ReplyDeleteI'm sorry about the previa. I know you want it to be so perfect. I carried twins for my sister ... and I felt responsible for every little thing. Her little boy had a possible heart issue diagnosed in utero (ended up being nothing) but I felt guilty. Like maybe it was something I did ... I knew it was ridiculous ... but I couldn't help it. You just want to make the journey as wonderful as possible for the IPs.
ReplyDeleteAnyway, hang in there! I'll be following along now! I delivered my sister's twins at 38w2d back in August.